I’m an anxious person. Always have been, always will be. I’m a natural pessimist who worries about hypothetical situations and agonises over the past, even though I know I can’t do anything to change it. I can panic over simple everyday tasks such as giving the bus driver the right change, entering a doctor’s surgery or even leaving the house. I didn’t find CBT helpful, in fact, it triggered me even further. Since having Penny, apart from those initial first months, I actually found that I’ve been able to cope with situations a lot better. I think it’s because I want to be strong for my baby. I don’t want her to pick up on my stress levels and somehow imitate them or feel unsafe. Recently, we have been trying for a baby and those old feelings of anxiousness and panic have started to randomly reappear. Even though I already have a beautiful baby girl and I am incredibly happy with my life, there’s nothing more crushing than seeing that negative symbol slowly appear on a pregnancy test. It’s that rush of excitement followed by sadness and then guilt, as I know I am incredibly lucky to already be blessed with Penny and that other woman have struggled for years to conceive, however, they are my feelings nevertheless.
Today I need to focus on all the little things that have made me smile recently. It helps me to put my worries and fears into perspective. I see it as a form of self-care, however, I personally think the whole concept has been watered down a little recently. If you suffer from anxiety I’d love to know what works for you. I’ve tried many breathing and distraction techniques over the years but this seems to work for me. When it’s all getting a bit much and I can feel my breathing become erratic, my stomach churn or sweat forming, I try to think about…
- Penny’s kisses. Penny has started giving the cutest kisses recently. Each one varies from cute pecks to huge slobbery snogs, but each one melts my heart.
- We are going on holiday. We’ve booked a few nights away in a log cabin with a hot tub. I’ve even booked myself a facial, which I’m so ready for. Plus, we are bringing the dog along. I don’t know why but it makes me so happy to think of him joining us on holiday!
- We are trying for a baby. There will be highs and lows, but the thought of extending our wee family is exciting and I won’t let my pessimistic attitude ruin it for myself.
- Hard work paying off. My blog is important to me and I want to see it succeed and grow. I’ve had a lot of exciting opportunities and PR packages recently and it makes me smile to think of how far I’ve come and even giggle at the mistakes I’ve made along the way.
- My favourite time of year. Autumn is that time of year where I can wrap myself up in a huge tartan blanket with a mug of hot chocolate and watch the candlelight flicker. It’s cinnamon, orange, and clove scents and even more excuses to bake and curl up with my favourite book. I even have a beautiful Autumn themed blog header ready to go live designed by the talented and generally lovely Emmy at Emmy Writes About.
What has made you smile recently?